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Chuck Ballooniac's Guts
So brooksmoses and chinders and andres_s_p_b and I were hanging out last night, chatting about this and that. Somewhere in there I issued a public service announcement:

DON'T READ Chuck Palahniuk's "Guts".

Andrés wanted to know why. Why? Because it's disgusting. It's the only story I actually regret reading. My life would be detectably better if I had never read it. "Well, what's it about?" he asked. "Guts," I said. "Intestines."

"But what happens? Tell me! Tell me tell me tell me!"

"No, it's gross."

"Just summarize!"

"It involves intestines. I'm not going to tell you, there are innocent ears listening." (If it had just been him, I'd've summarized and he'd've regretted it. But I'm not going to traumatize people just to teach Andrés a lesson.)

"Argh," he cried, and reached for his iPhone. There was a pause, punctuated by tapping.

"Why are the first two results in Hindi?" Andrés asked. "And is this next one Russian?"

"What? Let me see that." And this is what I saw: Chuck Ballooniacs Guts.

"I thought it was a children's book," he said.

I laughed so hard I cried.

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It's cause of the name. "Chuck Ballooniac" sounds like a random made-up name for a character in a children's story, and "Chuck Ballooniac's Guts" sounds like a perfectly reasonable title for a children's story, which often have very straightforward descriptive names. Plus, it's got that punny thing going on—balloons are big and round, and so is Chuck, cause he's got lots of guts. As to why it's disgusting, I figure it features explosive disembowelment and/or his intestines flailing around like tentacles and attacking folks. I gotta go draw this on my Wacom tablet…

I gotta go draw this on my Wacom tablet....

Oh, dear.

Oh, very dear.

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