Tiger Spot (tiger_spot) wrote,
Tiger Spot

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Serves you right, you said you were working

So we went to see Spider-Man 3 Friday night, courtesy The Company Which Loves Us All, which bought (andres_s_p_b calculated) $12,000 worth of tickets because, um, they felt like it?

And now we're being stalked.

1. As we pulled into the movie theater parking lot, a large spider climbed up the windshield and onto the roof of the car. Clearly it wanted to know what its larger, more famous relative was up to.

2. The next day, while I was cleaning the rat cage, this weird-looking spider kept interfering. We've got plastic sheeting up behind and under the cage to prevent the rats from damaging the walls or carpet. It wipes clean easily, and I was wiping it clean when this large, sandy-colored spider with giant black antenna or eyestalks or freaky-looking palps or something decided that it would be fun to hang out underneath the plastic. It kept freaking out at the sponge and running away, and then coming back and getting in my way again. But it was the strangest-looking creature, with the pale body and the big black appendages -- it looked for all the world like Groucho Marx.

First, the good stuff. I liked the crystallizing special effect at the creation of the Sandman. Someone needs to make a usericon out of a shot of that sign that says "Particle Physics Testing Facility. Keep Out."

But that's about all I liked.

Problem the first: The physics are not internally consistent. I can deal with magic superpowers, but I would like them to work the same way in all scenes of the movie, please. Also, where do the teeth go?

Problem the second: Any time Mr. Scientist Dude opened his mouth to talk about the Venom-creature. NO. Just NO. I can live with the creature; I don't need it to be realistic or plausible or even vaguely possible, but please don't try to explain it like it is when it isn't. (I did like that they didn't try to explain the vibrating-metal thing. It made no sense, but they didn't wave it around in the air going LOOK THIS MAKES NO SENSE, so I could kinda go with it.)

Problem the third, which is the big one: Total lack of emotional realism. None of the characters acted like humans[1]. Sure, any given scene was okay, but they just didn't fit together in any kind of coherent way. Too many unforgivable actions were forgiven, for no reason except the plot said so, with a total passage of time measured in days if not hours. Just doesn't happen.

Also, they lifted that dance scene from The Mask. It really, really did not fit in this movie.

[1] Except Gwen Stacy. I actually rather liked her. Yes, bubble-head; yes, damsel-in-distress; but when Peter acted like a dick, she apologized and left. That was the nicest thing anybody did in the whole film. And Aunt May gets off more or less all right.
Tags: media
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