Tiger Spot (tiger_spot) wrote,
Tiger Spot
tiger_spot

Wedding Clothes

andres_s_p_b's brother is getting married in July. Unlike our wedding, which was cheap and small, or my sibling's wedding, which was fun and small, or andres_s_p_b's dad's wedding, which was in a backyard and actually kind of middling-sized but only because the bride's immediate family is enormous, this is going to be a Standard American Wedding, with the scary parts. I am not sure what to wear.

Andres has been told that he is not to wear his tux (he likes his tux). A particular, expensive, brand and color of suit has been selected for the groomsmen; Andres' brother has strongly suggested that he at least go try the darn thing on, but knowing Andres has also said that any "light-colored suit" will be acceptable. He further notes that the bride's sisters will be wearing navy blue dresses, in case I wish to coordinate.

I do not wish to coordinate. I am considering having t-shirts made up that say "Hi, we're the black sheep."

I was, to my own surprise, totally fine wearing a skirt all day at my sibling's wedding. I do not expect I will be anything like comfortable enough at the upcoming wedding to support skirt-wearing; though I suppose I could operate on the theory that I'm going to be terribly uncomfortable anyway so why bother mitigating? (Note to self: REMEMBER EARPLUGS)

Poll #1403150 Wedding Clothing Options

Which of these outfits do you think I should wear?

Black pants, tiger shirt (yellow and black with gold thread and various animal prints). This is what I wore to the Justice of the Peace's office to get married in. Pro: Pants. Con: May make bride's family sad.
0(0.0%)
The green outfit I wore to my sibling's wedding. Pro: Looks totally awesome when dancing. Con: Belongs at Renaissance Festival.
2(13.3%)
The sundress I bought for Andres' dad's wedding. Pro: I'll be easy to recognize if anyone compares pictures from the two events. Con: Almost certainly too casual.
0(0.0%)
The skirt I brought on the cruise (ankle-length velvety stuff with very dark pattern of flowers and leaves) and a plain black button-down shirt. Pro: I already own it. Con: Black.
0(0.0%)
Buy a "light-colored suit" to match Andres' hypothetical future "light-colored suit". Pro: Can pretend to be each other. Con: May make bride's family sad. Also, expensive.
0(0.0%)
Suck it up and buy a vaguely appropriate dress. Pro: Might blend in. Con: Hate shopping. And dresses.
2(13.3%)
Jeans and "Hi, we're the black sheep" t-shirt. Pro: Funny. Con: Will definitely make bride's family sad.
0(0.0%)
Some other thing I already own. (Please describe in comments.)
0(0.0%)
Some other thing I should go out and purchase/borrow/make. (Please describe in comments.)
0(0.0%)
Is it too late to cancel the plane tickets?
0(0.0%)

If I have to buy something, will you help me shop?

Yes.
3(25.0%)
No.
3(25.0%)
Yes, but I'm incompetent too.
0(0.0%)
No, but I can recommend you a website/store/personal shopping service.
0(0.0%)
No! For god's sake don't go in there! There are clothes in there!
5(41.7%)

Am I worrying too much?

Yes.
2(15.4%)
No.
2(15.4%)
Yes, but not any more than you usually do.
2(15.4%)
You're not worrying enough. Standard American Weddings are SRS BZNS, man.
0(0.0%)
Ticky box!
1(7.7%)


For calibration:

1. I have been totally comfortable at various semi-formal company holiday parties in the black pants and tiger shirt. (Well, comfortable about clothing, anyway.)
2. I was fine at my sibling's wedding in the green outfit, but I'm not sure how much of that was because it belonged in the setting and was long and loose enough to be physically comfortable and how much was because I was really, really comfortable otherwise (A Renaissance Festival! I blend right in! And I don't have to make a good impression on anybody!) and therefore had some slack to play with.
3. I was not, ultimately, fine in the sundress at Andres' dad's wedding, but I started out okay and it decayed fairly slowly. The dress only really started being a problem after the other factors (too loud; music not good for me to dance to; pressure to dance in a showing-off way) had worn out pretty much my entire reserve of cope.
4. Likewise, I was not in fact fine in the long dark skirt at dinner on the cruise, but that was probably more of a general running-out-of-cope than anything specifically wrong with the skirt. It's a better skirt, physically, than the sundress, because it is long and loose.

Being in a skirt uses cope. Being expected to interact with people I don't know uses cope. Navigating a situation with rules I am uncertain of requires cope. Many other things I expect to find and situations I expect to encounter at the reception (not the ceremony -- sitting on a bench looking at something is quite easy, so I'm not worried about that part) require great gobs of cope. I suspect that adding the drain of skirt-wearing to a large, probably loud, event with social rules I am unclear on, a high level of expected interaction with people I don't know, and fewer than four people I know well enough to be comfortable around, one of whom will be very busy indeed, is a Bad Idea; on the other hand I am also pretty sure that not wearing considered-appropriate clothing is breaking one of those rules. So I am trying to work out the balance between the amount of distress to others caused by breaking down in tears and needing to be removed, on the one hand, and wearing weird stuff, on the other. (Note: Not wearing a skirt is not actually going to prevent needing to be removed, in the event that the situation runs me out of cope otherwise. It will, however, delay it.)
Tags: narcissism, objects
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